"To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people." Funny Quotes by Shayan e Shayari. Laughter is the best medicine for your health. Shayan e Shayari is providing you with these 50+ funny quotes that will relieve your stress. We're all going through the same weird life experiences. So fun is necessary to enjoy our life. These quotes will help you to enjoy your life. You will laugh during reading these funny quotes. If you will laugh at least one of these quotes then you have to share it with your friends, family members, and your relatives. So below are the 50+ funny quotes:



  1. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda
  2. “The only bathroom law I’m interested in is one that bans loud sighing.” —Conan O’Brien
  3. “I grew up with six brothers. That is how I learned how to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope
  4. “Instead of the mahi-mahi, may I just get the one Mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlington (Anna Faris), The House Bunny
  5. “I cannot find my remote control. That thing can hardly be controlled.”
  6. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg
  7. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
  8. “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” —Anonymous
  9. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” —Abraham Lincoln
  10. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
  11. “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” —Lana Turner
  12. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” — Albert Einstein
  13. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey
  14. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” —Bob Hope
  15. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments”. —Chris Rock
  16. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”—Mark Twain
  17. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” —Dalai Lama
  18. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
  19. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield
  20. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” —Daniel J. Boorstin
  21. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” —Erma Bombeck
  22. “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” —Francois de La Rochefoucauld
  23. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” —Gertrude Stein
  24. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson
  25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear
  26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy
  27. “If you don't mind, it doesn't matter”. —Jack Benny
  28. “Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?” —Phyllis Diller
  29. “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” —W. C. Fields
  30. “As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” —Buddy Hackett
  31. “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” —David Letterman
  32. “Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.” —Thomas Szasz
  33. “I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.” —Warren Buffett
  34. “If at first, you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” —William Lyon Phelps
  35. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias
  36. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom
  37. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman
  38. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx
  39. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective
  40. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” —Jackie Mason
  41. “It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, ‘Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.’ Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.” —Erma Bombeck
  42. “Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” —Tina Fey
  43. “You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena.” —Jon Stewart
  44. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants
  45. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”—Anonymous
  46. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams
  47. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory
  48. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
  49. “The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.” —Sid Caesar
  50. “If your parents never had children, chances are… neither will you.” —Dick Cavett
  51. “Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.” —Thomas Sowell
  52. “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” — Phyllis Diller
  53. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

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